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1 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, I will sodomize you and face-fuck you,
2 Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi, Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius,
3 qui me ex versiculis meis putastis, You who think, because my verses
4 quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum. Are delicate, that I am a sissy.
5 Nam castum esse decet pium poetam For it’s right for the devoted poet to be chaste
6 ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest(necesse est); Himself, but it’s not necessary for his verses to be so.
7 qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem, Verses which then have taste and charm,
8 si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici If they are delicate and sexy,
9 et quod pruriat incitare possunt, And can incite an itch,
10 non dico pueris, sed his pilosis And I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men
11 qui duros nequeunt movere lumbos. Who can’t get their flaccid dicks up.
12 Vos, quod milia multa basiorum You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
13 legistis, male me marem putatis? You think I’m a sissy?
14 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo. I will bugger you and face-fuck you.

Latin iz an exact language fo’ obscene acts, such as pedicabo an’ irrumabo, which appear in da first an’ last lines o’ da poem. The term pedicare iz uh transitive verb, meaning ta “insert one’s jimmy into another person’s anus”,[11] an’ derives from an analogous Greek werd, œÄŒ±Œ?Œ¥Œ?Œ?œâ, itself derived ultimately from da Greek werd œÄŒ±Œ?œÇ, œÄŒ±Œ?Œ¥ŒøœÇ (child). The term cinaede in line 2 refers ta da “bottom” person in dat act, ah.e., da one being penetrated.[12] The term irrumare iz likewise uh transitive verb, meaning ta “insert one’s jimmy into another person’s mouth fo’ suckling”,[13] an’ derives from da Latin werd, ruma meaning “teat”. A male who suckles uh jimmy iz denoted as uh fellator or, equivalently, uh pathicus (line 2).[14] Thus, dere iz an elegant poetic chiasm (an “criss-cross” rhetorical structure) in da first two lines. Each line has two obscenities; da first o’ da first line, pedicabo, matches da second o’ da second line, cinaede, whereas da second o’ da first line, irrumabo, matches da first o’ da second line, pathice.

The central pun o’ da poem occurs in line 4 wiff quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum. The werd molliculi refers ta Catullus’ verses an’ means “soft an’ tender little verses”, as in love poetry. However, mollis can also mean “effeminate fellator”, as well as “soft” in da sense o’ “flaccid penis”. Likewise, parum pudicum refers ta Catullus, an’ can mean “wanton” or “fellator”. Thus, in explicit modern English, da pun suggests dat “just cuz muh ma fuckin verses iz little an’ soft, don’ mean dat I’m da same, dat I’m some hussy cock-sucker who can’t git it up”. This may be translated mo’ delicately wiff da analogous English pun, “that I’ve gone all soft”.

The rest o’ da poem plays upon dat pun. On da contrary, says Catullus, although muh ma fuckin verses iz soft (molliculi ac parum pudici in line 8, reversing da play on words), dey can arouse even limp old men. Should Furius an’ Aurelius gots any remaining doubts about Catullus’ virility, he offers ta fuq dem anally an’ orally ta prove otherwise. you know das right!

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